


honey, sweet

by ratherbeblue



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, Late Night Conversations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:07:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23322187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ratherbeblue/pseuds/ratherbeblue
Summary: What if I asked you to kiss me? And we are both girls...haha just kidding......unless?
Relationships: Jester Lavorre/Beauregard Lionett
Comments: 3
Kudos: 114





	honey, sweet

**Author's Note:**

> What if I asked you to kiss me? And we are both girls...haha just kidding......unless?

“Beau?”

“Yeah, Jessie?”

“How did you know?” 

“Hmm?” Beau mumbles, still partially asleep. “Know what?”

“That you liked girls.” She says it in her normal lilting fashion, and Beau knows she likes to ask things at random while she settles in so she doesn’t think much of it.

Beau just hums before responding.

“Guess I always did, kiss enough of them and you know for sure.” Beau yawns, turning from her back to her side, facing away from Jester in case she decides not to go to sleep and brings out a light. “Why?”

“Just thinking…” And Beau thinks that’s the end, starts to settle in for good. “Maybe if you kissed me I would know.”

Beau’s eyes widen, now very much awake. 

She doesn’t say anything, just lies there, back turned to her friend, trying to think of something, anything to say. She knows Jester is awake, can feel her gaze and the tension in the room like a thick fog bearing down on her. A minute passes, maybe ten.

Beau turns around, muscles straining in protest because even after a relatively easy fight her body still feels five times heavier than usual. She turns around and sees Jester, only slightly due to the dark of the night, but her purple irises are reflecting the moon like a beacon and they are filled with unshed tears. The breath feels knocked from her chest, she is unable to move, unsure of what to do in a way she rarely feels now. The mere meter between them suddenly feels even more like an ocean, wide and uncertain, something she’s unable to cross.

“Jess…” Jester’s eyes widen at the same time as Beau’s sure hers do as well.

“Never mind!” She squeaks, much too loud for the room and their whispered conversation. Her entire bed shakes with the motion as she turns the other way, mirroring the way Beau had been just moments before.

A smile tugs at the corner of Beau’s mouth despite herself.

“Jester.” She tries again, her voice clear.

“I’m sleeping!” She sings back.

“Come on, Jester, I just want to know what brought this on.”

She grumbles, seems to accept it though and turns around, Beau can still only see her eyes and the outline of her shape in the darkness.

“Well I’ve only kissed a guy and I didn’t like it as much as I thought I would and so I thought I would just ask you, but it’s okay, Beau, I’m not going to like make you kiss me or anything!” She lets it out in one long stream of consciousness, not giving Beau any time to process. “I know I’m not your type or whatever but I thought you could maybe just try it and-”

“My type?” Beau laughs.

Jester’s eyes narrow.

“I mean, you’ve kissed _ a lot  _ of girls, Beau.”  _ And you’ve never kissed me _ , is left unsaid. 

“That’s not it! I just…” Beau falters, because she knows why she can’t, she’s said it to herself, to Nott, she hasn’t said it to Caduceus but she knows he knows, she sees it in the uncharacteristically sad and knowing glance he gave her the last time Fjord pulled Jester aside to talk. She knows that she can’t, or won’t, allow herself this, because it’s a pittance compared to what she really wants. She knows if she lets Jester kiss her now, tastes her lips and feels her fangs and tongue dance around her mouth she won’t be able to go back. When she hears her nervous giggle bubble up inside her, a ‘ _ thanks for trying, but that’s not it! _ ’ She won’t be able to look at her again, it might break her, but more importantly it might break them, the group she’s spent so much time growing and entwining with, and she can’t lose that, not even for a taste of what she wants so badly. “You’re just…” 

Too important, too precious, you just mean too much to risk it all. She wants to say all that and more because the way she loves Jester makes the word seem too small and meaningless. There are no words big enough, not words that mean enough to fully encapsulate exactly why this is a terrible idea and so she comes up short again. 

Jester’s eyes close, taking away Beau’s light.

“Don’t, don’t tell me I’m confused or whatever you want to say right now, just tell me no and I’ll leave you alone but don’t treat me like a child.”

She sounds sharp and angry, as close as she can get to speaking infernal without using the actual words, and Beau suddenly feels gripped with guilt. 

She knows she shouldn’t do that, and it’s not what she’s trying to do now at all but it still stings, she still knows that she’s been handling Jester like something delicate more recently than ever before.

Because Jester has always been something pure and untouchable, like the sun personified, she had a way of knocking you out with her brilliance. But that’s not really fair, to put her on a pedestal, to idealize her in that way. It’s something they’ve all been guilty of, her and Caleb and Fjord most obviously but, she’s sure all of them have done it, taken her for granted, or not taken her seriously at all. But Jester’s here, and she’s real and she’s fucked up and scared right now and she can’t fix Beau with her light, but that also means that Beau won’t drown her with her darkness. 

She’s staring at her now, eyes reflecting enough moonlight to show the shadows of her face, with weary bags under her eyes and a crease across her cheek from the sleep rumpled sheets.

They’re just people now, and Beau can’t keep pushing her away to save face, not now when she’s offering herself up in the way she wants, and it might not be everything she wants but it’s something and she won’t know if it’s more until she mans up and asks Jester like an actual person.

“I shouldn’t have asked.” She whispers before Beau can respond. 

“Jester, wait.” Beau scrambles for a second trying to reach for the enchanted lantern they have on the table between their beds, she bangs her elbow and bites back a pained noise but she gets the damn thing on and sits up in bed to look at Jester.

“Oh, Beau I’m sorry I forgot you couldn’t see I-”

“Jess, it’s fine.” Beau soothes her, glad she can fully see her now. “I’m sorry if I’ve been treating you like a child, that wasn’t what I was going to say, but what I was thinking wasn’t much better.”

She sighs and Jester’s eyebrows scrunch up together.

“You’re my best friend.” She starts again.

“You’re my best friend too, Beau!” And Beau can’t help but smile.

“Thank you, but, just let me talk for a second.” She takes a breath, then shakes her head. “Ugh, this is way harder than I thought.” 

“Do you want me to get someone to help? Maybe Caduceus or Nott or-”

“No, no, let me try. Okay… You’re my best friend,” She continues before Jester can interrupt again. “And I’m your best friend. But… I like you, Jester, a lot more than friends, and you asking me to kiss you… It wouldn’t be fair to either of us if we did and I didn’t tell you that.”

“Beau…” Jester’s voice is heavy when she speaks, after listening and watching Beau with her usual attentive gaze. 

“I’m not expecting anything here, but I owe you an explanation, I don’t want you to think I’m not taking you seriously or whatever, I just, can’t. But hey, we can go to a bar or something and find you a girl to kiss if you want, I’m sure there’s some around here, we can ask Essek or-”

“Beau!” Jester stopped her with a protest that was probably too loud for the time of evening. “Stop, I… I don’t want to kiss another girl! I want to kiss you, I just didn’t think you’d want to so I thought if I made it seem like I wasn’t serious I could try it and then you wouldn’t know and at least I could kiss you one time- But you do want to kiss me, at least I think that’s what you were saying, so maybe you could just kiss me? Now?”

“Uhhh…”

Jester rolls her eyes and moves over to sit at the foot of Beau’s bed. 

“Beau! Kiss me, please!”

“Uh, right, um, okay… I’ll just…” Beau trails off, but she leans in, puts a hand on Jester’s cool round cheek, eyes darting to hers for even more confirmation before Jester moves the rest of the way. 

They press their lips together, meeting in the middle and it’s nicer than Beau would have imagined, being Jester’s first real kiss. Honestly she had always kind of imagined that she would have to show Jester the ropes and that’s...yeah, that’s a whole thing, but the real thing is still better. 

Jester’s skin is slightly cool against hers but it’s soothing, and her fangs are something new and the sharpness is slightly unexpected but it’s not bad, not bad at all, because it’s still Jester. She’s sweet like the pastries she constantly eats and she’s soft where her body melts into Beau’s and she’s enthusiastic, as she is about most things and… it’s just nice. Almost too nice.

They break apart and she can feel Jester’s smile against her in that last second, it makes her smile too.

She doesn’t even realize that anything’s wrong until she sees Jester’s eyes widen in concern.

“Beau...you’re crying.” She raises a hand up to her face on instinct before taking a better look at Jester and letting out a breath of laughter.

“So are you.”

“Oh!” She giggles, wipes away her own tears. “That’s weird.”

Beau looks at Jester, sitting in her bed, in their room, in their house, looking like a dream come true, and she can’t help but laugh too. 

“Yeah, it’s pretty weird.”

**Author's Note:**

> no second draft we die like men, title from honey by kehlani which is my beaujester anthem!


End file.
